Tuesday, June 30, 2009

oh dang it.

the gang. alison is pissed because the angry ants bit her feet.
Igor practicing for his career as a Pedigree dog food model.

my best bud nely, in her garden.

my other best bud.

noel frolicking in the fields behind our houses.

noel, alison and cristina surprised me with this bottle-cap flower arrangement at my pila.

and cristina planted me this coluis. alison refused to change out of her pajamas all day.

igor in the yard, post machete work.

alison with the turtle we found in my yard.

this caterpillar enjoys my shoe. also, good god, my ankle sure looks ugly up close.

overcoming her fright.
such a beautiful little dude. or lady. who knows.

tarantulaaaaaaa!!!!!

just strolling about my yard.

this used to be a small mountain of sand...igor flattened it. fatty.

my melon patch, completely overgrown. plus papaya trees!

my secret sittin´area, before we took a machete to it.

obed hard at work.

my baseball team with US baseball player and scout Raphael Avila, who came to do a workshop. He was actually from the Dominican Republic, I think. I forget. The kids loved it.

my yard and pila, pre machete attack.

little toad i found in my room.

28 June 2009
Howdy dudes,
I can now count two separate times when my jaw has literally fallen open in wonder and disbelief this weekend. The first was yesterday, Saturday, June 27, when my neighbor casually mentioned that she didn’t know that that “dead singer Michael Jackson was black.” I was like hang on, what do you mean, dead singer? And she’s all like “yeah a doctor injected him in the heart and killed him.” Now, this is the same neighbor that sent me into hysterics when she somehow botched the news that the Obamas got a new dog and informed me she saw on the news that “Barack Obama had a new woman,” so I wasn’t sure if I could believe her. Then I remembered I had heard the Ranchera radio station play Thriller three times that morning, and realized she might have her facts straight. I immediately called my buddy who confirmed MJ’s death, though informed me that was “so three days ago.” (To which I reply, shut up, I live in a television-less cave and my only supply of current events comes from my neighbors whose television has never been changed from the telenovela channel.) So all I can say about that is, Michael Jackson, it sucks you’re dead and I hope your babies are okay.

So I awoke this morning, still reeling from the loss of El Rey de Pop, to a text-message from my Peace Corps boss informing me, in the succinct way that only a Spanish text-message can, that there had been a military coup and we no longer had a president. Actually, it said “golpe del estado,” and I struggled through the early-morning boogers my brains coats itself in to remember what the particular phrase meant. Then my four months in Chile paid off and I remember from all those boring lectures that that means the military busts in waving machine guns wildly in each hand, blows up the presidential palace, kills the president, and totally takes over the country, ruling with a bloody fist for like 18 years. “Crap,” I though.

Turns out, Honduras must have read the “Military Coups for Dummies” manual (or at least wikipedia’d that shit) because this thing was classy. I mean, totally seamless. Our now ex-president Mel Zelaya (Liberal party) has been hollering all over the news for the past couple weeks (or maybe more, I only just noticed it myself) that he wants to change Honduras into a “participatory democracy.” At first, no one seemed to know what he was talking about, and people seemed to vaguely agree with him…no one knew exactly what he meant, but he kept saying that with his new plan, the needs of the people who find a voice and the poor would finally get the representation they wanted. Finally, though, it became clear that he actually wanted to do was RE-WRITE THE CONSTITUTION to model that of Venezuela. “Our constitution is too rigid!” he said in a speech last night, the eve of his kidnapping. “C’mon, guys! Let’s change it!” His new “democracy” would involve him having full authority over the Congress and Supreme Court and would allow him to be president FOREVER. Fortunately, even the most humble campesinos recognized this for the Hugo Chavez drivel that is was and I can’t say I spoke to a single Honduran who supported Zelaya’s proposed plan, which he called “La Cuarta Urna” (or something, I’m not even sure). Today, Sunday, June 28, was supposed to be the “voting” day—he’d dispatched people with ballot boxes in all the communities so the people could vote on his plan, offering a hefty “bonus” (bribe) for the folks that voted. He asked the military to force people to participate, and to support him on this, but they admirably refused. The Congress and the Supreme Court also refused, declaring that such a Constitutional re-write and power-grab was against the law. And so, the three entities of law creation, law enforcement, and law trying banded together and kidnapped his blind-to-popular-will-of-the-people butt. This is how I imagine it went down:
SCENE: IN A TOP-SECRET TREE HOUSE SOMEWHERE IN THE MOUNTAINS OF TEGUCIGALPA
MILITARY: Hey, guys.
CONGRESS: Hey man.
SUPREME COURT: ‘Sup.
MILITARY: You both told your moms you were spending the night at each other’s houses, right?
CONGRESS: Yeah dude.
SUPREME COURT: Yeah, AND I stole 100 lempiras from her purse and bought us a bunch of Twizzlers and Mountain Dews.
MILITARY: Aw, sweet! Good move, SC. Anyway, Zelaya is totally being a wiener about his four-years of presidency coming to an end. All like “waaah I don’t wanna leave let’s be communists and I’ll be the dictator FOR EVER.” So I’m thinking, kidnap his ass?
CONGRESS: I’m down. Where will we send him?
SUPREME COURT: I’ve heard Costa Rica is nice for exile.
MILITARY: Word. Meeting adjourned.
NARRORATOR: And so the three boys played Bak-u-gan and gorged themselves on candy and soda until daybreak, at which point, giddy with refined sugar and caffeine, they nabbed the president of Honduras and sent him to Costa Rica.
THE END.

So that’s pretty much what happened. Most of the Honduran people are totally down with it. They’ve installed the current president of the Congress (Micheletti) as the acting President until elections roll around in January. Most people seem to be in support of the coup—no one liked Zelaya’s “Cuarta Urna” plan, and the fact that his schemes were all illegal made him lose any legitimacy in the eyes of the people. However, there are people who, Zelaya supporters or not, don’t agree with the situation because of the way it was carried out. Blah blah “military removal of the President isn’t legal, either” blah blah. I guess coups aren’t very “democratic.” But re-writing the Constitution and assigning yourself never-ending leadership doesn’t exactly fit that title, either. So I guess I’m not really for the coup…but in my opinion, it’s the lesser of two evils in this situation. The only issue is, the international community seems to be rather upset about the whole charade and I’ve heard rumors that Venezuela is prepared to go to war in order to reinstate Zelaya as the proper president. So basically, I have no idea what is going to happen. But I feel frustrated because we’re not allowed to leave our communities at the moment (due to potentially violent protests), and in one week, my college buddy Chops is supposed to arrive so we can go have crazy-go-nuts Jungle Adventures in Guatemala. Come on Honduras, don’t ruin my Jungle Adventures. Please?

Other than that little thing, not much else is new. My weeds situation got mildly out of control, in the sense that the snakes started to have secret Snake Party meetings there, which eventually spilled into my house (picture, if you will, me lying in my hammock one night, reading Newsweek, listening to Cat Stevens, drinking tea, aka TOTALLY PEACEFUL, and some smart-ass snakey dude just slithers all angrily out from some corner and crosses the room). I said angrily because his head was raised, like a water snake or something….it gave me the creeps. I leapt out of my hammock and sort of death-gripped my magazine, clutching my heart (literally, just like in the movies!) with the other hand and unsure of what to do. The snake continued his angsty migration toward the open door and disappeared into the rainy night. I have no idea if it was poisonous or not. Then, later that night, I carefully tiptoed out to my latrine, and was brushing my teeth when something compelled me to turn around. Slithering toward me was ANOTHER freaking snake! I sort of jerked my foot at it and it flipped over and ran away. HAH. Anyway, I decided that was enough and spent the next three days breaking my back with my neighbors Obed and Elias, wielding machetes and cutting every blade of grass and greenery into complete submission. Nothing quite makes you appreciate lawnmowers like cutting an entire yard of knee-high grass with a machete…it was just like the Olden Tymes. We found a baby turtle, a harmless garden snake, and the biggest, hairiest tarantula I’ve ever seen (of all the critters we found, he didn’t make the cut…my neighbor Tina stabbed him with a stick while giggling madly and crying, “He’s ripe to die!” I did not stop her.) It was hard work, and I miss my jungle, but it’s nice to be able to walk around at night and not worry about having to kung-fu a snake to death with a magazine or anything.

I’ve begun my abstinence group, which is a roaring success so far…none of my sixth or seventh grade girlies have become pregnant this week (to my knowledge) and I KNOW no one has HIV, either. Score one for abstinence! We’ll continue to meet for two hours a week (each group) until October. And, due to the genius of my mom, I’ve decided I want to start an herb-growing club with local women (perhaps the very same pregnant women of my pregnant women’s club, though I’m not sure how much time they’ll have to tend a garden once their bun in the over pops out). We’ll see. If anyone has any insight on such a group, or materials they want to suggest, shoot me an e-mail. Or e-mail me a shoot! (Get it? As in, the first little green guy that pushes out of the ground…) I’ve also begun doing chats at the health center once a month about high blood pressure and how to avoid it (stop eating so much saturated fat dipped in salt, guys!).

My paragraphs seem to be getting shorter. I think that means it’s time for bed.
(Though all the gunshots I’ve been hearing in favorite of Zelaya’s removal are not very sleep-inducing…and this crazy “Mexican chili bean” tea I found abandoned in the Peace Corps lounge is making me sweat.)
Love, all over the dang place,
Hayley

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

i am addicted to rehydration salts

14 June 2009
Howdy, dudes,
Yeah that’s right. Tooootally stickin’ by my guns about that new greeting. You all thought I’d forget. YOU WERE WRONG.

It’s raining like god like the spigot on when he was filling up his pila and then left to go on a bike ride and totally forgot about it…which is something I would never do, by the by. But anyway, it’s raining. Which brings me to a certain interesting Flora and Fauna Fact about Honduras: where’re all them toads at?? ‘kay, that’s a question, not a fact, but still: a week ago, every time it rained, my open doorway turned into a freaking toad Social Mixer…a bunch of toads all standing around awkwardly, girl toads all on one side giggling to each other, boy toads all on the other side, nervously inhaling all the snacks that the Social Committee put out…you know what I mean. Hells of toads, in my house. I would usually lie in my hammock and watch them, because a toad hunting is kind of intense. They focus in on a fallen beetle, left for dead by his comrades (they’re not heartless; they just know how the world works). Then the toad quick-hops over and shlurps him into his mouth. I’ve seen certain toads catch and eat like 7 bugs in 10 minutes. That’s good eatin’, man. But now, it’s raining like the dang dickens and there are NO toads, not even one. What the hell people?

The onset of winter here in the south of Honduras is getting pretty rough…the mountain passes are all snowed in and I heard ‘bout one group of folks tryin’ to make pass…got stranded up near the summit and several of ‘em turned to cannibalism before they could force their way back down the other side. OH WAIT I’M SORRY THAT IS THE DONNOR PARTY OF NORTHERN CALIFORNIA. I always mix that up! Whoopsies. Actually it is just incredibly moist here, with increasing degrees of moist as the days go by. And it’s so damn hot, even my kneecaps sweat. My melon patch continues to explode all the place…I harvesting three cantaloupes today. Melon Day! And my yard just fills up with all kinds of lush, green plants…my landlords came over the other day and set their 12-year-old kid and his machete on ‘em, but I screamed and threw myself on top. NOT MY WEEDS, I screamed. ANYTHING BUT MY WEEDS. They tried to convince me I should machete them all to pieces because snakes will hide in them, but that is ridiculous because we all know where the snakes like to hide (my latrine; see previous blog entry for details). And after six months of living in a damn desert, excuuuuuuse me for delighting in the jungley-goodness that has finally descended upon my abode. The plants are even creeping into my bathroom!! All climbin’ up the walls with their little viney fingers…I’m thrilled. My landlords then decided I should not have to get my feet muddy whilst walking out back to the pila/wash/latrine area, so they paid to a guy to make several shoddy cement walk ways. I liked my yard when it was concrete free, but I guess it ain’t really my house anyways, it doesn’t matter.

Other news…let’s see, Igor is now the laughing stock of all the dogs in Alubarén. Whenever he walks by they all snicker “Jajajaja you weenie, your Owner cut your eggs off!” (The Spanish slang for testicles is eggs, not nuts/balls as we say in English). Then they clutch their own spawn-heavy egg-sacks and make crude gestures at him as he slinks away. Yes, it’s true. I committed the Honduran un-thinkable and had Igor neutered. NO ONE in this country fixes their pets; in fact, I found myself defending my decision about 15 times a day, in the face of great moral dissent. People find it sick and cruel that I am “playing god” by taking away my dog’s manliness—what joy will Igor have in life now that he can’t chase bitches and walk around with a big ‘ol saggy sack? I got really good at my response: “How many strays are there in Alubarén, in Honduras? If we don’t spay and neuter the dogs, they leave all the female dogs pregnant, who have a million baby dogs who are abandoned in the street, and no one loves them, and they are sooo very skinny (at this point I hold up my pinky finger, the Honduran gesture to indicate skinniness), and they have diseases, that they can give to PEOPLE, and then THEY have babies, and it just goes on and on….” Sometimes the person I would be talking to would think about it, and then agree with me. You’re right. We should control the stray dog population that is totally out of control. Sometimes the person would say, Yes, but….poor Igor! (At which point, I am in agreement…poor Igor. I’m sorry I took away your genitals.) And then ONE TIME a dude replied, “Okay, I see your point, but they should just fix the female dogs instead. It’s not fair to take a male’s genitals away!” I was like “dude that is the most sexist thing ever but I gotta bus to catch so see ya later” (it’s true, I did). Anyway, Igor had to spend a terrifying night alone in a crate in the vet’s office, but his stitches are healing up nice and he doesn’t seem to miss a certain familiar weight he used to have dangling between his legs. And now PETA can’t shame us when we come back to the states.

This past week was “Student Week,” a stupid “holiday” in which the kids don’t have to go to school, which is stupid because they barely have school anyway. It should be called “Teacher Week,” because they’re the only ones who want it. Anyway, since all my work is with the kiddies, I also had the week off, which I spent very productively. PSSSYYYCCCHH!! I didn’t really do anything, except hang out with the neighbors and drink lots of coffee. Also, I gave a 30-minute lecture to the folks waiting in the health clinic about the dangers of saturated fats and salt, because everyone and their mom here has high blood pressure. That was Friday morning…around noon, My Pretend-Site-Mate David (the fella who lives about an hour walking-distance from here) came over, and we packed a picnic (aka bought two plates of awful fried chicken and potatoes, plus a two-liter bottle of soda) and headed out to my favorite swimmin’ hole up in the mountains. He stayed the night ‘cause of the big late-afternoon rain storm, so I once again willingly submitted myself to all kinds of neighborhood gossip for the sake of companionship. Unfortunately, I got the ‘ol “2.5 Hour Dysentery,” and totally almost died for the majority of the night. I’d had the sass-gut all week, and it was just as burbly that day as any other, but right about 6:00pm, I basically just started POMB (Peeing Out My Butt, it’s a medical term for when you got craaa-aaazy diarrhea), with just the worst stomach cramps of all time ever. I actually though I was dying. I would come staggering back in and collapse in the hammock, only to spring up three minutes later, sprinting out the door and up the yard as David cries “What, AGAIN?” after me. Finally (after I totally pooped my pants with BLOOD on the way) I just stayed put in there, and sent several instructional text messages about what kind of soup and juice to buy me to David, who was amusing himself in the house by reading some Christopher Moore novel. At about 9:30pm, I was totally empty and feeling better so I had some Victory Soup and Victory Juice and we watched a movie on his computer. Now I’m totally healthy and fine, but with the 2.5 Hour Dysentery a recent memory, and the fact that the water coming out of my pila has become dirt-brown due to who the hell knows what, I’ve decided to start the Hayley Kercher Water Treatment Process, in which I tie an old pair of undies around the faucet to act as a filter (check) and add chlorine to my drinking water (double check). SO I’m feelin’ great! And my water has that great “Fruit of the Looms Found Floating in a Swimming Pool” taste we all know and love.

HEY it’s summer in America! Happy Summer dudes!!
Love,
Hayley

Sunday, June 7, 2009

i love that honduran chip bags come with stickers or pogs inside

Scumbag 2, before we kil't him.

Obed looks so....excited!
a very deadly baby black coral snake, waiting to bite my ass in my latrine.

igor enjoys laying in the sand pile and scraping said sand into his crotch.

"it's true."

hell YES i scored the only dang goal during donkey polo

oh, serafin. my noble steed.

you can't really tell, but that kid is wearing GLOVES! cheater! thinking-ahead-cheater!

someday, after his immigration to the states, im gonna make igor his very own giant sand-box in the shade.

Dos de mayo 2009
Hey, chochachos! Man I should come up with a new greeting, huh…that’s gettin’ pretty old, you know? Alright…from now on I shall be greeting this blog with a “Howdy, dudes,” or at least until that one gets boring, too. Case CLOSED. *gavel noise*

Howdy, dudes,
I want you all to know that me writing this blog right now is an intense bodily sacrifice, because my butt was destroyed (literally, it might fall off!) in a recent Donkey Polo competition in which we kicked some ass and lost profoundly to a Honduran team of dudes on donkeys, playin’ polo. Those have got to be the BONIEST critters in the whole entire dang animal kingdom. I’m going to suggest tiny saddles for next year. So anyway, that’s why sittin’ in this here wooden chair is so ouchy. But that’s why god invented hammocks…they cushion one’s pompis in a way grounded seats never will. Blessed are the hammocks. I suppose this machine IS a laptop, I could conceivably take it me on a journey to the hammock in the other (the only other) room. But it’s kind of heavy and extremely burny (this is the Chubby Chunk 2001 of dell, 6 years ago)..the old guy is finally dying a slow and painful death, and in doing so has made himself very fragile. My butt doesn’t hurt so bad that I can’t stay here and write a bit more.

So yeah, Donkey Polo was this past weekend in the little cobblestoney pueblo of Yuscuran, in the department of Danli (I think…or maybe it’s El Paraiso…anyway). It was beautiful, at least compared to certain parts of the south. Lots of pine trees, very hilly. Igor and I trekked up to Tegus Friday morning, and a certain somebody got his blood drawn, nuts inspected, ears washed, and endured an awful plastic stick up his poor little fluffy hiney. Once the vet was done, Igor and I hopped on a bus headed toward Yuscuran, plus several other gringos we’d hooked up with at the Secret Clubhouse aka the volunteer lounge at the PC office. Unlike previous encounters with city buses, in which a shake of my sassy gringa hair and a beaming smile of sassy gringa teeth was all the convincing necessary, the dudes on the bus were totally NOT interested in having Igor climb aboard. He’s not even that big! He only weighs 40 lbs, and that’s 40 pounds of LOVE. I had to plead and cajole the bus driver for like 30 seconds, walking alongside the moving bus and shouting into the folding door how “bien educado” (well behaved) and “super aseado” (super clean) little Igor is. They finally let us on, under the conditions that we “move immediately to the very last seat in this damn bus,” which we promptly did. It was weird, usually Igor is a hit on the buses, ‘cause he does cute things like stick his head out the window and guerilla-warfar-crawl on his elbows around under people’s seats, waggling his tail). But this bus was totally anti-dog…stupid city folk. The women were all fresa (prissy) about it, makin’ gross-out noises and dramatically yanking their elbows away from his wet, snuffling nose…the teenage girls in the typical navy-and-white school uniforms behind him would all scream hysterically if Igor turned his head toward them, and one lady kept yanking her kid’s feet away from Igor’s face, even though he was totally just sleeping on the floor. Needless to say I was relieved when we finally arrived and stepped down off the bus. The volunteer who lives here’s house was just 4 blocks down the hill, and the great gringo train chugga-chugged off for the first time in many that weekend. It was just a blasty-blast, a great big ol bunch of folks smushed into that tiny house, hangin’ out at nights on her concrete roof and spending the day hours hikin’ around the protected Park area, sleeping (Igor like to be the little spoon), eatin’, wandering around the pueblo, loitering by the central park, and engaging in general FunTimes. This weekend was also Yuscuran’s annual Mango Festival, so there were loads of people, dancing, and singing and selling tasty food and a jillion pounds of mangos. And, of course, there was the 13th Annual Donkey Polo Championship, which we lost for the 13th time in a row. It wasn’t fair, those Hondurans grabbed all the good donkeys first, and all the gringos (the other team) were left with the stationary, ornery ones. Unfair advantage, I say! But I did manage to steal a certain donkey “Serafin,” who was, according to the word on the street, “bueno.” In this situation, the word on the street was the group of four 4th grade kids who I met on the sidewalk and befriended over the course of 15 minutes. I then paid them a grand total of seven lollipops (bonbones) to hold Igor’s leash and keep up with the pack of donkeys, so he could see me and thus not freak the heck out (poor dude gets nervous when we’re out of the countryside, and doesn’t tolerate being separated from me). Those kids did a terrific job, scrambling after the pack of 40 donkeys walking, trotting and running (what they do is too jarring to be called a canter, if you ask me) around the central park, Igor nearly ripping their arms out of their sockets as he strained to run after me, while a dude shouted to the public about the impending game. We then “paraded” over to the old high school concrete soccer court, where we would be playing the game. We had three subbing periods, and lost like 30-1, but it was still a hilarious blast. Some people fell off! That “1” point we had, by the way, was scored by yours truly, aboard the good-ship Serafin. Ahem. NO BIG DEAL. After Peace Corps I may consider a career as a professional polo rider-person…what are they called? Polo players? That sounds right. Im’a become a Professional Polo Player. A PPP.

Getting’ home from Yuscuran proved somewhat more challenging at first, as the only bus that would have taken me to Tegus in time to catch the bus to my pueblo refused to let me and my dog aboard…caninists. I almost cried for a second, then I realized “wait a minute, you can just get a sweet jalon dude,” and promptly lifted my chin and sauntered over to the nearest corner. A truck passed. I waved at em and jerked my head but they waggled their fingers at me to say “no we’re not going far,” and so I waited for the next. Drank some juice out of a bag. Igor peed. Another truck drove by, a shiny red double-cabin pick-up with a nice plastic lined bed, totally empty. Jalon jackpot. I waved at em…they pulled right over and rolled down their windows and smiled at me. Some young couple, obviously from Tegus, driving home from visiting the Mango Festival. I asked em where they were headed and they told me Tegucigalpa, at which point I totally turned on my smiley-gringa faucet full-blast and exclaimed, “Oh, WOW! Could you maybe give me a lift there?” They offered me a seat in the cabin but I gestured to my dog and said it’d be better if I rode in the truck bed (which I totally prefer). They said of course, I said you have saved my life, thank god, may little tiny god bless your souls, and then lifted Igor into the truck paila and then launched myself in as well. Just as they started to pull away, another dude from my Peace Corps group can running down the hill, screaming “WAIT! WAIT!” in English. I slapped the side of the car a couple times to signify “hey stop for a sec” and shouted that he better ask them first before he just jumps in. He ran around, gringo-charmed them, and then jumped in the bed with me and Igor. The three of us then sailed to Tegus in style, the sun warming our faces (which were lathered with sunscreen), the wind in our hair, the sky in our eyes and the trees in our noses (too much?). It took about an hour, exactly half the time it took to travel the same distance on bus (we actually passed the bus that had shunned me and I totally stuck my tongue out as rudely as possible). Then Igor and I took a cab to the market where my bus was waiting, and caught the 11:30am bus (last one of the day to my pueblo), arriving to the street where the buses are parked with enough time to peruse the market, buying random things (two spoons, a mug, a good kitchen knife, and two forks) as well as tasty things (cheese, big mangos, fresh, juicy pineapple slices). By 3:30pm that day we were home...after huggin’ the neighborhood posse I immediately stretched out in my hammock, while Igor dug and scratched about in the mud and wet sand until a nice and damp cool layin’ patch was created. He then flopped down in said patch and scooped wet sand onto his tummy and legs, as he loves to do.

CRAP I just burned my beans! I started cookin’ em late today, like 6:00pm, and whilst I was waiting for them to cook I was fed other beans, by Tina, plus four tortillas and some avocado. So I’m not even hungry any more, and I figured I’d get some writing done while they finished…and dangnabbit they got all death-burny on me. Now my house smells like a butt. Sorry, Igor.

Oh dudes, don’t worry, that earthquake didn’t hurt me none. I recall waking up at like 2am or so when it hit, and thought to myself: “Oh, an earthquake. That’s normal.” and promptly fell back asleep. When I awoke the next morning, I remembered what had happened but decided it must have been a dream. It wasn’t until I heard two ladies chattin’ about it in the street did I realize that it actually did happen. So yeah, no big deal here in the south…but our brothers up in the north of Honduras had it much worse, many people died and even more people lost their homes. I’m not sure on how many exactly.

A Haiku:
Small snake, why you here?
All up in my latrine-face.
We machete’d you.

Yes, that’s right, I was totally sittin’ on my toilet-seat-less toilet bowl in my little wooden latrine, havin’ me a delightful morning pee, minding my own business, when I noticed a strange loopy shape in the space between the concrete wall and the wooden doorjam. I got out and peered in from the other side, then poked a stick. When the loopy thing sloooowly began to slither out toward me, I realized it was a little snakey dude! At first I was delighted, as I rather like snakes, and he was so little and cute. I decided to fetch my neighbor Obed to assess the situation. Obed marched over and coaxed the little critter out of his hiding hole.
“Hayley, that’s a black coral snake,” he said.
“Soooo? You mean an itty-bitty coral-woral? With his widdle tonguey and teeny-weeny stripeys?” I said.
Then Obed informed me that coral snakes will kill you if they bite you, and that the littlest ones are the most dangerous and deadly. He then CAPTURED it in his bare freaking hands, totally Crocodile Hunter style, and posed casually while I took many pictures. Then he told me we had to kill it, because of all the kids always running around…it was too dangerous to let go. I had some moral difficulties with this, because Honduras is big enough for me AND my cutie-wutsie snakey-wakey…but he told me to fetch the machete, so I did as I was told. Definitely didn’t want any dead neighborhood kids haunting my soul forever after. Poor little Scumbag 2 (as I named him) was wasted with a few quick hacks to the neck. I’m sorry it had to end this way, Scumbag 2.

I wish I had more Swedish Fish.
Love,
Hayley